Thelma Stump: Oldest Bodyguard in the Business is played by Jamie Lynn Spears. Despite claiming to be a bodyguard, she was actually a security guard for the backstage of All That. She was extremely old, and loved to sit in her rocking chair and knit while singing "Ain't No Sunshine". She was large and lumpy, and also had an immense love of bacon ("Bacon goooood"). The sketches often featured a person, such as the musical guest or guest star, trying to pass Thelma. She would demand that the individual show her the backstage pass, which he or she rarely ever had. She would take their bacon where applicable, then usually beat them up until the person ran away. In one episode, Thelma Stump harasses a likeness of U.S president George W. Bush. In another, she meets Jamie Lynn's actual sister Britney Spears.

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